On May 14th, 2013 my first traditionally published novel, Dying to Dream, made its debut. I must say -- and I imagine many authors can relate -- I felt a strange mix of emotions that day. From utter joy to extreme fear, the range was enough to send me into the closet or where ever I could hide from the world and its critics. And then I would... what? I suddenly realized I had to face it. If readers liked it, hated it, or maybe even worse, felt indifferent about it, I would accept and deal with the worst.
Now, a year later, I am still here, still writing, still experiencing those emotions. Every time I find my book's ranking boost, or receive my very meager royalty check in the mail, or read a pleasant book review from an appreciative fan, I get that tingly feeling inside, that glow which tells me maybe this isn't such a bad gig. I could do worse in this late stage of my life.
Then from time to time, I wonder if the apprehension, the fear of failure or rejection, will go away with the next book release. Probably not. However, if I honestly admit it, what's important is that there IS another book release. I can't let the fear of rejection, criticism, indifference, or any of those negative vibes stop me from writing.
Now, let's say instead that Dying to Dream is an experience. It's a step along a path I've chosen to take. If talent and perseverance are willing to stick it out, there might be many more steps along that path. So, whether or not the book has made its mark isn't something I like to dwell on. It definitely won't be dictating my decision to write. I have to believe that.
To me, writing is a gift. And that's really enough for me. Of course, I'm not going to lie. Having that best seller some day wouldn't be so bad either :-) Trust me. Realistic or not, it's on my wishlist!
So, happy birthday, my paranormal baby! May you be the first of many to come.
Cheers, all. Happy writing and reading!
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